What is grief counseling, and who does it help?
Grief counseling is talk-based support from a trained professional after a major loss, such as a death, a divorce, a serious diagnosis or another life-changing event. It gives you a steady place to talk about the loss and how you are coping. Grief is a normal, healthy response to loss, and counseling is helpful to some people.
Key points
Grief is a normal reaction to a major loss, and everyone feels it in their own way.
There is no right way to grieve and no normal length of time.
The five stages are one description of grief, not steps you must pass through in order.
Grief and depression can overlap, and ongoing grief can lead to depression.
Reach out if grief feels like too much to bear, lingers with heavy distress, or disrupts daily life.
What is grief counseling?
Grief counseling is a form of talk therapy focused on a loss. You meet with a counselor or therapist to talk about what happened, what the days are like now, and what feels hardest. There is no script. Some people need to tell the story of the loss, some need help with guilt or anger, and some want help getting through ordinary tasks again.
MedlinePlus defines grief as a reaction to a major loss of someone or something, and describes grieving as part of the normal process of reacting to a loss. Friends, family and faith may be sources of support. MedlinePlus adds that grief counseling or grief therapy is also helpful to some people.
Counseling does not aim to make grief disappear. MedlinePlus says grief should not be prevented, because it is a healthy response to loss, and that people who are grieving should have support through the process. Counseling is one form of that support.
Who can grief counseling help?
Loss comes in many forms. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) describes grief as a response to loss that can follow the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a divorce or other major life changes. MedlinePlus also names a serious or chronic illness and the end of a significant relationship as causes.
Counseling may be worth considering if you recognize yourself in any of these situations:
You have people around you but do not feel you can keep talking to them about the loss
The death was sudden, accidental or violent, which can make acceptance take longer
You lost a spouse, a child or a parent and your daily life has changed in practical ways too
You lost someone to suicide. Mental Health America describes counseling in the first weeks afterward as particularly beneficial
You are supporting a grieving child and are not sure what to say
Your loss is not a death, and you feel you are not allowed to grieve it
What does grief feel like?
According to MedlinePlus, grief can be a mental, physical, social or emotional reaction. Mental reactions can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems or illness.
Mental Health America notes that people are often unprepared for how intense these emotions are, how long they last, and how quickly moods can change. Some people even begin to doubt their own stability. These are common reactions to loss.
Does grief follow stages?
Not as a set sequence. Many people have heard of five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depressed mood and acceptance. MedlinePlus presents them as one way to describe grief and notes that these reactions might not occur in a specific order, can occur together, and are not experienced by everyone.
The VA's National Center for PTSD goes further. It says research suggests grief does not follow a set of stages and is a more complicated, ongoing process that comes in waves. It also says there is no specific way of grieving that is right or wrong and no normal length of time to grieve.
So if you have not felt angry, or you felt acceptance and then fell apart months later, you are not grieving incorrectly. A counselor will not hold you to a timetable.
How is grief different from depression?
The two can look alike. Sadness, poor sleep, appetite changes and low energy can appear in both, which is why it helps to have a professional look at the whole picture instead of sorting it out alone.
In general terms, grief is a reaction to a specific loss. The National Center for PTSD describes it as coming in waves, with intense emotions that come and go and an intensity that may lessen as time goes by. Depression is a mood disorder. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) says a diagnosis involves symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks, including a depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in most activities.
One can lead to the other. MedlinePlus lists depression as a possible complication of ongoing grief and notes that psychological counseling may help a person who has depression along with grieving. Only a qualified provider can tell you which you are experiencing, and it may be both. Our depression counseling page explains how that care works.
When might grief need more support?
You never need a reason beyond the loss itself to ask for help. Mental Health America calls seeking help a sign of strength, not weakness. Some signs suggest that support is especially important:
Your grief seems like too much to bear, or you feel you cannot cope with it
Reactions linger for months, cause significant distress or interfere with daily functioning
You are using alcohol or drugs to get through
You have become very depressed, or low mood is interfering with your daily life
You have thoughts of suicide or of wanting to die
If you are in crisis
Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911. Our office does not provide emergency services.
More options are listed on our crisis resources page.
How Balanced Life can help
Balanced Life Counseling Services offers grief counseling for children, teens and adults, and family therapy when a loss has affected a whole household. Appointments are available in person in Salisbury and Bethesda and by telehealth.
In a first session, your therapist invites you to share what has been going on and any goals you have. You can read more in what happens in a first therapy session. To get started, contact us or call 443-978-8688, and see insurance and fees for coverage and self-pay information.
Frequently asked questions
How long does grief last?
There is no set length. MedlinePlus says how long bereavement lasts can depend on how close you were to the person, whether the death was expected, and other factors. The National Center for PTSD notes that intensity may lessen with time, though strong emotions can still come and go. Mental Health America says mourning may last months or years.
Do I have to go through all five stages of grief?
No. The stages are a description some people find familiar, not a checklist. MedlinePlus says the reactions might not occur in a specific order, can occur together, and that not everyone experiences all of them. The National Center for PTSD says research suggests grief does not follow a set of stages.
How soon after a loss can I start grief counseling?
Whenever you want support. Some people come in the first weeks, and others come much later, when the people around them have moved on and the loss still feels heavy. There is no point at which it is too early or too late to talk with a counselor about a loss.
Is grief counseling only for a death?
No. The CDC notes that grief can follow the loss of a job, a divorce or other major life changes, and MedlinePlus includes serious illness and the end of a significant relationship. If a loss is weighing on you, it is a reasonable thing to bring to a counselor, whatever caused it.
Can children go to grief counseling?
Yes. Mental Health America notes that children who experience a major loss may grieve differently than adults, and that young children may return to earlier behaviors or ask questions that seem insensitive. Balanced Life works with children, teens and families. Ask us when you call about the right fit for your child.
Sources
If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). In an emergency, call 911.